Yes I am a doofus

so thank you commenter for the kind correction of my terrible mistake in my posting yesterday... I should have cited...

'it was the best of times it was the worst of times' is Charles Dickens - A Tale of Two Cities

If you're looking for me I'm in the corner sitting there wearing my dunce cap.

Now its not only clear that I'm in a rut but also that I've never read the book...

A book that I have just however read which I finished in the wee hours of last night was the 'Book Thief' what a brilliant book. Of course I cried at the end but that's not much a surprise is it? Thank you again to the lovely Andrea for sending it over to me. To say I devoured it would be an understatement.

Back to job searching I'm afraid... crossing this many fingers and toes is quite challenging especially when one is trying to type.

Its really not been that peachy lately...

Thus perhaps the lack of posting... Its always a challenge to keep up writing when you're feeling a bit low as it seems to verge on the wingeing rather that the reflective... just me then? Nee mind... Amidst the wash of so many of my friends struggling with relationship break downs (long term ones) and other with broken limbs we lumber on with our employment searches and it all just jumbles in together... Boil it down to the fact that everyone has their own problems so although they are all different struggles, they are struggles nonetheless. Lucky for us however my mum has been our total saving grace through our testing time. I am so so greatful!

Beyond the grey skies the sun is blasting down here in Barcelona and its hot hot hot... The little one is keeping us smiling by being... well being her. Yesterday while devouring a piece of watermelon with of course much help from Lilli dog, it reminded me how lucky we really are. I feel like its kind of like the begining to war and peace... it was the best of times it was the worst of times...

you know its not so good...

when there are ants in your breakfast cereal... the dog is barking and the baby of course is crying. Our last lead for work this month has fizzled and I guess I could go on but best not.

Holiday hangovers are never nice but this is particularily poor.

I'm back out there applying for work again as we've got to get back to reality sometime and we've had a good 5 months off of work now thus something has got to pay the bills somehow...

positivity is fleeting and thank goodness for some peoples cheeky wee chubby smiles as they really help making it through the day.

Welcome to my crib!


well I mean it literally!

The heat has subsided here just slightly... thank goodness as it was getting pretty uncomfortable. We're busy trying to get things organised for the weekend. We're also gearing up for the battle with the gov't who have just confirmed to me that they have denied our application to receive the one off 2500 euro baby bonus... they cite that I have not lived here for 2 years prior to the birth of Sienna... of course I have but proving it to them in the way they want to see it is not too easy and lets just say they're not about to lay down and roll over so I'm strapping on my boxing gloves!!!


Some people are cooperating at certain times of the day and playing nicely by them selves (sporting the lovely top from Noeleen)

My friend Karm's ass called 911 today by accident... they rang him back to let him know... I giggled and called it an assergency!

Happy Canada day!

Today started bright and early at 5h30 am and certain parties ie. me, did not manage to get back to sleep after someone's early breakfast... we were out and on the road before 9am en route to the park for walkies! By the time we returned home close to 10am I was ready to collapse. When the troops finally were ready for their mid morning naps... the phone rang. I am clearly not meant to actually function today... On a positive note, the heat has subsided a bit and the breeze is up a bit more so its not as stifling hot as yesterday!

I'm still a bit baffled about how weird random pieces of information manage to compute within my head... mostly this happens when i lie awake early morning trying to fall back asleep... What exactly it all means I really don't know but... lets just jot down some of these thoughts just for fun shal we?

• My two last boyfriend's mothers live in France
• Two of my three friends named Joanna don't have their ears pierced and the third has a monster almost cork sized piercing in one ear
• Sienna was born on groundhog day but of course since its not observed here I didn't realise this until afterwards... meaning both her and I share our birthdays with halmark card observed days (mine being st. patrick's day)

Clearly I need to get back to work as my brain is scary when it runs on autopilot.

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The heat continues here in the land of Barcelona

The streets are full of fireworks and celebrations with the recent EuroCopa win of the Spanish team. The bub is tucked into bed albeit a bit later than the past few days but the sleep pattern regulation regime that she's been on since we returned last week is not yet firmly established. Lilli is tucked in under my arm doing her best to ignore the shouts and fireworks.

I spent a lovely girlie afternoon with the lovely Mele who trudged acros town through the heat and then hiked up our monumental stairs! We prepared a scrumptious lunched and lounged out on the terrace and caught the light but very well appreciated breezes.

Not long now until the villa. I am so excited to see the London crew as none of them have met Sienna yet. It will be so nice to catch up with everyone properly over a few drinks and giggles.

Mum's next door neighbour at home gave Sienna and Isabella little summer dresses as gifts when we were there. So sweet...


super squooge!!!!!

It took me longer...

to write about the project than the project its self but hey... the terrace as i wrote about yesterday, is now ready to be enjoyed. We cleaned it up, gave it a lick of paint and added a sun shade and presto we're in business!


We're free!! (we had this pic already)


Clean clean clean


All done!

I can honestly say this is pretty close to bliss

I'm sitting here typing from the sofa on the terrace... the baby and the dog are frollicing next to me as the warm breeze blows my hair around. We're back in the land of Barcelona and although I'm working (and procrastinating) its just so lovely. Sienna is now sitting so she's sat right next to me chattering away. Don't get me wrong I've got my fair share of worries but right now it feels pretty good!

We returned on Wednesday and apart from being home alone with both girls (Fredu is out of town for work) and feeling quite exhausted its been good. It was really hard to leave my family back in Canada as it was such a lovely visit! I was so lucky that while I was there the lovely Sean came down to visit with his bf Grant. I'd not seen Sean since 2002 when he came over to visit me in London. God I wish we could live closer to one and other!

The lovely vero has invited myself and Sienna to travel with her and her boyfriend to Marseille this evening for the weekend. She's even most likely found a car seat for the little miss... however I've not yet found a sitter for the hound thus its looking less likely that we will go in the end... Ah well maybe next time?

I'm hoping to buy a wee paddling pool for Sienna so she can keep cool out here! I've got to buy some fans for the house too as its pretty sticky in the evenings and certain dogs go mental when the wind picks up and makes noise... not the best combo when the babe is sleeping...

Its nice that summer has finally arrived!!!

I love to read

so when I arrived home I was so excited to go through all the fantastic books mum had bought for the bubs. When at my sister's house the next day she showed me about this fab book that she had picked up the other day for her wee one. It's called bossy bear and needless to say I NEED TO OWN THIS BOOK. We're off to hunt the bargain bins at winners to find me a copy (that's where KJ got hers from)... I know I can of course always buy a full price one at the book store but that is beside the point... do we really need excuses for trips to winners?

Videos...

because its just that much better to see it live (kind of)


Sienna Sitting up!


Baby symphony

Please remind me in a few weeks time...

when I'm moaning about all the blub I acquired while in Canadialand that its truly my fault... There are so many naughty temptations I swear I've over indulged every day on something or several things for that matter... Perhaps writing about it will curb my 'maybe just one more gobstopper (because we don't have them in Spain)' ... doubt it.

There are too many photos to even explain... thus best perhaps to inundate instead. Hope you're wearing your wellies...



A donde esta mi papi???


Mum and watermelon bum


Girls in dresses holding hands... Sienna is really just trying to nick her bangle.


The power struggle begins!


Super drool!

At long long last

Last Friday the wee one's passport arrived. Saturday morning first thing her and I boarded a plane to Amsterdam and then transferred to another one to get to Toronto. I was mildly terrified as obviously I have never traveled with a small infant on my own. I was really lucky and honestly pleasantly surprised. KLM were very good to us and I even had a cot for her to sleep in which meant I could put her down! I tell you, holing a small baby for more than 12h consecutively would have damn near killed me. I even managed to watch two movies (Volver and 27 dresses) and a few episodes of the simpsons, will and grace as well as one of the sopranos! Not bad!

The heat here is monumental but so nice as summer as of yet had not arrived to Barcelona. The wee one wasn't quite too sure where I had taken her as she went from bundled to boiling in the matter of a few hours.

To say that it is wonderful to be here is an understatement. I really really needed a break and it is so good for my soul to see my whole family. I sometimes forget how hard it is to live so far away from them.

I'm equally thrilled that Sean and Grant are coming down from Ottawa next weekend. I have not seen Sean in over 6 years! We are far overdue!

I think we've taken about a zillion photos since we arrived... brace yourself this might just be a mommy blog for a short while...


Arrivals! We don't look too shabby after more than 12h of traveling...


Sienna and Isabella's first encounter.


Meeting great grandma


Meeting Great Grandpa


The girls with my mum (grandma that would be I suppose)


Girls in their car seats (this is all new for Sienna)


Isabella quickly showed her how it was done...


I am in the jolly jumper... one of several instruments of torture they have for me here in this strange country.


Hmmm this is a chair?


And this thing? some sort of spinning walker? We surely have no room for such things in our tiny flat!


Brampton boot camp is all to much work... nap time!

Life thus far...

seems like a series of transitions... I kind of see it like a series of sliding screens... mostly opaque but constantly moving. I've become more concious of this in the past few years. I think it started when I moved from Ottawa to London. Moving marked the end of one chapter of my life and the begining of many others. When my dad died the sliding screen feeling felt so foreign and I felt sort of caught inbetween two screens yet unable to pass through onto one side or another... When I found out that I was pregnant, a very different thing happened... it was like a screen slid over and I became the observer in the events happening in my life and not the antagonist. This feeling persists and sometimes I really wish I could shake it... Its like this strange interceptor that is perhaps protecting my heart. I can't remember a time in my life where I've felt more vulnerable and terrified but yet still amazed and inspired. The problem being is that the distance that being the observer instead of the antagonist really mutes things and only in tiny little spurts do intense feelings of joy and amazment seap through. I guess its all part and parcel of becoming a parent. The only thing that I figure is that its a way of your mind protecting your brain from going absolutely insane with worry about all the horrible things there are in this world. I can honestly say that since I've become a mum that I've visited some very dark places in my mind... fueled by what must be maternal need to protect their young... the unfortunate part in this process is that in order to prevent harm my mind seems to conjure up the need to imagine a million horrible and unspeakable things that could possibly befall the people I love (most importantly the bub)... being concious of all the bad should surely be to equipt me with the ability to prevent it from happening... name the evil I suppose?

Pretty dark really, but I'm hoping that its just another transition happening and that it will all make sense to me in a few years and I will laugh when I go back and re-read this post... In the interim I'll keep hoping for more clarity on the good things and perhaps some greater opacity on the more scary bits.

More and more waiting

we're good at it of course... during all this waiting we are still trying to find the miracle solution which until now seems like we'll just have to do more waiting to find... but the bottle rejection continues. We've tried what I think now is everything in the book... and nothing is working. Thus while not being able to travel yet as we've still not received her passport... I'm not able to go back to work nor can I do very much without returning home promptly for the next feeding. Its amazing how quickly you start to feel claustraphobic in your own life. Not good for me but hey, it could be worse.

We've been lounging on the sofa outside lately although its not been too warm... but someone cracked a smile the other day which is a rare thing to be caught on camera... but there was a lot of cuteness on tap so we lapped it up.


giggles (check out the massive amounts of squooge!)


Shading our head from the sunbeams

If only I could have taken a picture...

of the look on Lilli's face this afternoon after we finished walking through the very muddy park. She had mud and dirt all the way up to her underbelly (which in its self is quit the feat as she normally refuses to even walk through a puddle!). I escorted her out of the park and to th nearest water fountain which dot the city here with the intended use to give dogs drinks and hippies who still live in flats with no running water a source of the precious liquid... I put the breaks on the pram and pushed the plunger to release the flow of water and stuffed a very unsuspecting little filthy pooch under the stream of water. Don't worry it was not garden hose cold... I rinsed and rinsed until all traces of dirty dog were erased... The look on her face while I did this to her was just priceless! If only someone else was there to capture the moment!!!!

The terrace painting mission is 98% complete, we're just waiting for the rain clouds to disappear and we can get the last bit painted! What a difference a lick of paint makes!!! I shall of course post before and after pics.

The bottle refusal in baby central continues which means no gym time for me until we can solve this wee problem. suggestions are welcome! We are keen to try anything as long as it gets her to take my milk from a bottle ... sigh...

The tax man here has given us a nice surprise... although they've still not let us know their final decision regarding the 2500 baby bonus we are due ( as they claim that I have no lived here for more than 2 years when I actually have and have even been paying taxes that long... but anyway) They have given me a 12 month hiatus on paying my autonoma fee which is normally about 200Euros per month. What a nice surprise!

Believe it or not after a long reprise I have almost completed another painting... Here are two pictures of it in progress... the final picture still pending of course as I'm not happy with it yet in its current state (not shown here)

Look very carefully and you can see her shape...


Marking out the shadows... but not nearly finished yet...

1000 minutes

Well I never really thought it was possible... but I managed to wrangle over 1000 minutes of my mother's time last month. We just got our phone bill and for the first time ever I managed to surpass the 1000 free international call limit! All I can say is that my mother is truly an angel for putting up with me wingeing down the phone about all the things that ail me on any given day.

The Canadian Embassy wrote today to say that the passport application for the wee sprog has finally been accepted and that it was now being sent off to be processed in Canada... They quote a waiting period of 3 weeks from this point... Feels like forever away but at the speed with which time is passing these days I am sure it will fly by.

Tomorrow I've got a full day of running around to collect all my tax receipts from my employers last year in order to submit them to my accountant who will then do my tax return for me... I'm half dreading this as I am pretty much thinking that I will have to pay them this year... I really hope this is not the case but hey... bring it on. Don't you just love tax season?

The bottle battle continues and I am still litterally attached to the wee one all day long... I don't know how much longer I can handle as nothing seems to be working and I fear losing the plot completely if I can not be on my own for more than an hour without having to feed her... I guess we've had it pretty good up until now as she has note fussed much and has been sleeping through the night for over a month now... for this we are truly greatful...

Fill in Ana's survey and get a cookie

I've been trying to do what I can to help the most lovely person in the world, miss Ana with all things related to this faboo book she is writing about being a graphic deisgner/graphic design. Thus in the spirit of all things good, if you are or if you know a graphic designer please have them click on the graphic below and fill in her survey. It only takes a minute. The more diversity to the answers she collects the better! Please feel free to pass along the link if you know someone who can help! Don't you feel better now?

Thank you, baby jesus is smiling on you today!

Foots!

Someone was following in the footsteps (literally) of little miss Isabella and experienced their first 'feet in the grass' experience this past weekend. Admittedly there wasn't much of a reaction, she kind of looked at us like it was just another one of the insane things that we her parents put her through... sigh... ah well we've got the moment documented and perhaps it will mean something to her later on in life... Next first experience... the sand on the beach and then on to the sea for a dip!


hmm not so sure about this...


Dad and the girls... someone is about to blub... check out the bottom lip! (priceless)

Part of the madness that is...

Living in Barcelona is definately finding a flat. It was a nightmarish 3 month journey for us to find this place and to be honest it was not our first choice... but now we call it home and we've made it just that. One of the quirks of the flat is the outright lack of emergency exits. The flat is long and narrow and the kitchen is right near the front door... because we are at the top of the building with the terrace on the same level all our windows have bars on them (as security is key)... this however means that if in an emergency, you have no other way out beyond the front door. This is mildly terrifying and now that we have some very precious cargo with us we figured that it needed to be fixed. Wendy's lovely husband Roy who is very handy has been here all day helping grind and fix and install hinges to open the bars on the window to the terrace which will miraculously provide us direct access to the terrace as well as the well needed secondary emergency exit. They boys have done a really great job. My job was mostly making sandwiches and tending to the baby and such.

Next step in our DIY frenzy will be the painting of the terrace and the installation of some pretty dividers to keep the peering eyes of our neighbours out of our house. More for their protection really as it would be to their horror if they accidently caught a glance of us strolling by naked one morning. Then up will go the tarp to provide some well needed shade and we should be in business! Oh wait... we need the kiddie pool which will keep miss S cool this summer and the feet of certain adults cool too!

Before and after photos will be fun... but here is a work in progress one...

Today was filled with good news

It stated yesterday acutally when I received the purlator envelope from my mum a day early. It contained all the paper work I was waiting for, for the British passport application as well as two beautiful cards from mum and sis wishing me a happy first mother's day. Its even surreal to write that... but yes, it was so lovely of them!

Then today my documents from the Canadian Embassy (which application is still in process btw) arrived as well thus finally permitting me to re-send the British Passport application with all the papers I needed!

Then I received an email from Jo Jo's lovely sister Nicky annoucing that she was 12 weeks pregnant! I'm so happy for her and her husband to be! They are due to be married in 3 weeks time. I tell you its sure a sign of the times as everyone seems to have the baby first and the wedding second! Well some of us haven't gotten around to the wedding thing... but we're busy with the passport thing for now so we'll just leave it at that...

Then I saw on crackbook (facebook) that my most favorite Mittul has gotten himself engaged! I'm really really thrilled about that one. I can however guarantee that he and his fiance will be waiting until after the nuputals to produce any offspring as both his and her family's are very traditional. I can only imagine how amazing his wedding will be. Full on Indian wedding! Brilliant!
I'm hoping that the positivity continues... I'm sceptically optimistic!

I went for an hour long jog with the hound this evening... yes my tiny dog definately has the energy for such a grand endevor... it was actually her bolting up the stairs at the end of our jog... so don't think she's not got it in her! I however hope that all the extra pounds I seem to be stacking on lately will begin to shift now I am officially allowed to exercise as I wish again without fear of important female parts jiggling out of place. Nice thought n'est pas? *evil laugh*